If the first two months of 2016 are any indication, this year is going to be one helluva wild ride friends.

After working as the Lead ICT for several years and experiencing exponential growth each semester both in terms of clients needing service and new employees, it all became too much. One person cannot schedule, manage and mentor 17 other people at various levels of experience AND cover a full load of work.

After several long conversations and budget reviews, it was decided that a reorganization of the team was needed and in a flash, my creative outlet disappeared. I’m still finding fulfillment in covering classes and providing transcripts to my students, but it’s the unpredictable nature of the Lead that I miss.

I’ve not known what to do with myself.

Gone is the chaos and challenges in which I thrive.

Gone is the position of teacher and mentor.

Gone is the fulfillment of seeing someone experience the joy of helping a student explore all that they are able to do once the necessary tools and services are in place.

Gone is the joy in holding together a group of people from all different walks of life, and truly enjoying each other’s company and shared stories.

Gone is any sense of value in the work I’ve done.

Gone is so much that is intangible, and so much that has become my identity.

Gone in so many ways.

In the days after the team restructuring I grew desolate and restless, drifting from one project to another and not recalling the reason behind what inspired the project in the beginning.

Time has eased the sorrow, but now I need to find a new direction in which to focus my creative energies.

I’m looking forward to seeing what the spring has to offer.

It has to be better.

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